At present I am sitting on the edge of the terrace… the endless blue black sky above spreading its starless cover over me… the coldest wind of the season is blowing across my face…am shivering.
Life is so weird. I mean…look at it. It gives you immense joy and then suddenly threatens to take it all away. Having proven your excellency @ IPCC, the graph of your professional career is zooming at an all time high, your papers went well and then all of a sudden, out of thin air, a fear of losing in FINALS…and thoughts like all the reputation which you had managed to build, what will everyone say, everything will be gone in a jiffy occurs into your mind!! Its a tiring game…too many obstacles, face-offs, challenges and no cheat codes. Damn, am a pathetic player!!
Perhaps, I should have worn my blue sweater…or at least brought a shawl with me. But the night is just so beautiful…I don’t really mind shivering in the cold wind! I had come to the terrace to get away from the others. The sadness, the nervousness, the anxiety…the common emotions of the human soul…the inherent feeling of care and concern & lots of hopes and expectations…Ooooo I wanted to get away from it all.
For a person like me…Emotions are not a rare thing. When they come…they flood my mind…unlock the gates of my self and break into my very system… Destroying my peace of mind…Unsettling me temporarily. Emotions that I had never known earlier…Alien emotions…Invade my mind…my heart…and my soul. I can hardly relate to myself at that moment. I am happy…Perhaps I am more or less still happy. The happiness is inexplicable…Perhaps it’s bliss. But a certain sadness pervades… Why? How can profound happiness be accompanied by such pain. I don’t understand. The pain is unbearable… All methods that a practical person may apply to control and check one’s emotions had already failed me. Am I on the verge of insanity?
Everything I had ever loved and cared for had evaporated leaving behind nothing but residue of memories… But why? I was scared of losing everything that I had….all that I truly Loved. I’m perhaps too possessive of my own Happiness…
Here on the terrace I find peace. The cold wind freezes the flow of my thoughts & emotions and a strange calmness spreads over me. I am used to being alone but have never found such joy in solitude before. Is it the Stars? or the Night? Is it the calmness and the peace? Or is it the cold wind that’s blowing around me, making me shiver? What is it that is giving such profound Joy? Is it me, or is it all in my mind?
Wishing everyone all the best for the big day !!!
A Staunch Believer 